you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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