his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
