i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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