I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
