He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am one with the molecules
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
