Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
