i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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