ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
