i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
