i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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