Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I see more hoeing in ur future
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
