They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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