do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
