I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize