i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
