sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
