I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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