You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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