I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you would pick up someone in the library
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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