I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
