i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
