I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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