me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
