And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
