Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize