I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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