i just had sex bonerless
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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