My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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