I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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