so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
