Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
