I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
