Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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