the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
