Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
