You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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