I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
did you just send me my own nude
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
