I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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