Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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