Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
