that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
