Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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