you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize