Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
