so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
