i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
