So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
