you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
