He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
