I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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