So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
