that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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