I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
