Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
