You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
