..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize