You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize