At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
