so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
