P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
