just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
