seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
