He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're like the curious george of whores
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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