My nipple is on Facebook.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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