I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
