so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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