So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
