how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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