...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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