Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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