some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
