can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
