I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
