Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
