He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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