I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
