you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
