yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
