k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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