If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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