He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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