How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
