Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
