i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
