he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
