only if we run a train.
done.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
