booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
