So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
