Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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