Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
