i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
