Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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