I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
